"Til Kingdom Come"

"Til Kingdom Come"

Steal my heart and hold my tongue.
I feel my time, my time has come.
Let me in, unlock the door.
I've never felt this way before.

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummer begins to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know which way I've come.

Hold my head inside your hands,
I need someone who understands.
I need someone, someone who hears,
For you, I've waited all these years.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come.
Until my day, my day is done.
And say you'll come, and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

In your tears and in your blood,
In your fire and in your flood,
I hear you laugh, I heard you sing,
"I wouldn't change a single thing."

The wheels just keep on turning,
The drummers begin to drum,
I don't know which way I'm going,
I don't know what I've become.

For you, I'd wait 'til kingdom come,
Until my days, my days are done.
Say you'll come and set me free,
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.
Just say you'll wait, you'll wait for me.

 

-Coldplay

Thank You

Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers.   There are no words to explain what my family has been through, and I can't begin to try.  My heart is broken but my spirit is strong and I am determined to see that my three little boys still experience a wonderful life.  This weekend we took a trip to Norris Lake in Tennessee with four other couples and 14 children total.  This trip had been planned since January and there was no way I could take it away from my boys with all that has already been lost.  The trip was sad and difficult, yet bittersweet and hopeful too.  It was my first time ever taking the kids on a trip by myself, and although I had all my friends there helping us a great deal, I was proud of myself for having the courage to go.  Logan and Liam don't have any experience with lake activities, and within one day both of them were swimming like fish, tubing, jet skiing, and knee boarding.  Little Dillon loved to swim around the dock area with me holding him.  I was so very proud of all of them, yet with each new accomplishment came an overwhelming wave of sadness because Zack wasn't there to see his boys.  He will miss each and every new accomplishment they achieve for the rest of their lives.  And that fact will take my breath away everyday for the rest of my life. 

Despite advice to the contrary I am not going to shut down my blog.  It will definitely change focus somewhat, but ever since I started blogging in April 2012 it has brought me a sense of happiness that I don't want to give up.  I want to share my life with you...and I hope you want to keep reading too.  It won't be updated very often at this point, but as time goes on I will hopefully get back into a routine...a "new normal" as people have told me.  Right now the thought of the future as a big picture is so overwhelming I can't think about it.  I am just taking it day by day.  Helping my boys heal and being strong for them gives me a sense of purpose and pride.  They need me more than ever...and I will never, ever let them down.

Thanks for being here.

Norris Lake with my beautiful boys