Thursday, July 26, 2012

Why does the scale weigh women down?


 Who likes the scale?

Hi everyone!  I'm taking a break from fashion today to discuss a topic that every woman has an opinion on:  Body image and the scale! I don't know a single woman who doesn't have some sort of battle with the scale.  Whether we have 10, 20, or even ZERO pounds to lose, it seems it's tough to be happy with that dang contraption that looms large from its post in the bathroom, or the numbers that it reveals when we step on it.  I'm less focused on it now that I have a family to care for.  I've tried to come to terms with the fact that it's more important to feel healthy that reach a certain number on the scale. But that wasn't always the case with me.  I've been working on and editing this blog post for weeks now, debating on whether or not I want to share a serious topic on a blog that I want to keep lighthearted and fun.  But I think it's a good topic, a worthy topic, and I have found such kindness through the blog world, I wanted to share a personal story that not many people know...

My body has always been tall and athletic, through my childhood, teen years, and on to adulthood.  I always played sports and exercised, even in college when people thought I was crazy for running in the snow, rain, or whatever weather we were having.  But eleven years ago, the summer that I got engaged, for some reason I decided I wasn't thin enough to be a perfect bride.  Looking back now, it is clear I quickly developed a problem.   At the time I was a television news reporter working the night shift, so I worked 3 to midnight.  That gave me plenty of morning hours to work out...and that is all I did when I wasn't working.  I'd do 80 minutes (!!!!) of cardio at the gym, lift some weights, and then come home and RUN for another 30 minutes.  I wouldn't eat a thing until 2 or 3 in the afternoon, when I got to work.  I had all these weird food  and exercise "rituals" and I'd get really stressed out if I couldn't follow them.  I weighed myself weekly, at the gym, and always had to wear the same exact outfit when I weighed in.  I was so weird about everything related to my weight, and I lost nearly 20 pounds.

My hip bones and collar bones jutted way out.  The entire time I was in this phase, even though I was the thinnest I had ever been, I still wasn't happy.  In fact, I was miserable.  I was exhausted and freezing all the time.  No one ever guessed I had a problem, not even my mom, my friends, or my then-fiance, who is now my husband.  I guess they didn't realize anything was wrong, because I was never to the point that I looked sick...just very thin.  I was also alone a lot during the week, due to my odd work schedule, and I did a good job of keeping my strange eating habits to myself.  When I was around my friends or family, I ate "normally."

This continued for a year, and then, the next summer, the summer of my wedding, everything changed quickly.  My mom was diagnosed with cancer two months before my wedding.  I was so terrified of losing her that I starting eating more, out of stress.  I gained enough weight that the seamstress actually had to let my wedding dress OUT (when does that ever  happen?)  I was distressed about gaining weight, but I simply had no more energy to continue that exhausting lifestyle.  I literally couldn't push myself anymore to work out for 2+ hours a day and starve. Plus, with my mom being sick, and then me being newly married,  I had other things to focus on.   And even though I didn't like that my size 2's no longer fit, I had to admit I felt better  when I wasn't starving myself. 

Luckily, my mom's cancer went into remission and she is still with us today, we just celebrated her 72nd birthday.  Less than a year after getting married, I quit reporting and moved on to a different career path.  I also became pregnant with our first son, quite unexpectly.  It was the greatest surprise ever!  I feel fortunate that my extreme exercising and dieting did not compromise my fertility.

Now, 11 years and more than 15 pounds heavier (that still bothers me to say, I must admit), I still exercise daily but not obsessively.  I have always been a runner, I go to the gym, I just try to be healthy.  Do I wish I were 5 pound lighter?  Sure, what woman doesn't?   But I will never let it control me again like it did in my 20's.  Life is too short and too precious.  When I look back, I feel sorry for that younger version of myself, trying so hard to be perfect and never quite reaching my own impossibly high standards.  What a waste of time and energy.


Me feeling victorious and healthy after the Columbus, OH half marathon last October. 

It really is a mystery to me why we, as women, myself definitely included, often times mistake  thinner  for    better.  Most men will say they prefer a woman with some curves.  But it's hard for us to listen, or believe that message.  I know part of that is due to the media, society, and Hollywood.  I also think women are simply hardwired to be critical of themselves and have difficulty being completely happy with their appearance.  I still fall into this trap...but I force myself out of it.  If I wouldn't say, "You look terrible today," to one of my friends, why would I ever say that to myself?

I appreciate you reading.  I'm not sure why I felt compelled to tell this story.  Maybe it will help another woman who is struggling with her weight, or overexercising, to remember that there are so many things that are more important to life than the scale or those last 10 pounds.  I want you to know I've had my body image struggles just like everyone else.  I truly think that each and every woman can be beautiful, no matter what her size.

Thanks for reading!  I'd love to hear your own thoughts and experiences!

12 comments:

  1. Thanks so much for sharing, Jeannie. I am a size 2 at my equilibrium weight right now, but I have to go up 1-2 sizes when the waist is cut narrow on a dress or skirt and it still pains me a little when I do it. I'm OK with my athletic thighs and curvy rear, but I also carry much of my "fat" weight in my front stomach like a little Buddha belly. When men say that they like a woman with curves, they don't mean a flat chest and plump tummy. The "real women have curves" campaign is insidiously hurtful that way.

    Nowadays, I still dress to disguise my lack of waist and to emulate an hourglass figure. But sometimes I embrace the loose and straight silhouettes, too; because sometimes it's OK to not have curves and still be beautiful. I haven't convinced myself yet to stop hating my stomach, but I HAVE convinced myself that I can be feminine and attractive without "womanly curves."

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    1. Thanks for your comment. I still think men would prefer a woman with a little tummy to a stick figure! :)

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  2. Thanks for this post! How refreshing to read such an honest take on this issue. I think about weight and my body image on a daily basis and am constantly assessing my choices in eating and exercise, but I still feel like I have a healthy relationship with food and my body. I was about 30 lbs heavier in high school and college, and lost my weight in a healthy way. For the most part, I have maintained that weight, but I always think I could stand to lose more (I currently reside in the "must lose 10 lbs club"). I have become more comfortable with my lumps and bumps though. I carry my weight in my thighs and stomach, so I have come to appreciate my shoulders and calves (and even my "flass", as I call it!)

    Not to sound shallow, but one of my desires to maintain my weight is to be able to wear all my beautiful clothes! I have built up my wardrobe so well that I just can't afford to replace it all with different sizes. I would be 100% happy if I could stay my current size my whole life. I love the push nowadays for women to find their "happy weight"--I think that is so important!

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    1. Wow you should be so proud of yourself for having lost 30 lbs! Not many people can say that! I agree- a closet full of nice clothes is good motivation to stay fit!

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  3. Thanks for sharing this. My entire life I was thin until I hit 25. Ever since then I have boobs and curves. I've lost about 15 lbs from my heaviest lady year. I'm getting married in 2 weeks so hoping I don't stress too badly and remember to eat. You look great in that pic tho!

    The hardest thing I have to make myself believe us that its okay to be an 8...and be healthy.

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    1. It's funny how we're so much harder on ourselves than others! Best of luck to you for your wedding!

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  4. Jeannie,
    Weight is something that most women struggle with each and every day. Learning to be healthy and happy is far more important than any number on the scale. Thank you for sharing your very honest, inspiring and courageous story!

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    1. So true Kristin! We shouldn't let the scale make or break our mood!

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  5. I think so often, we are our own worst enemies. I know that I am...my stomach needs to be flatter, my thighs are too big, my boobs are not big enough. Whew, it wears a girl out!
    As I age, I'm slowly learning to embrace my differences and my "imperfections". Nevertheless, its still a battle to a accept myself the way that I am and not to compare my body/weight/size to others.

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    1. I know what you mean, I think women are just wired to compare and contrast ourselves to others! I also do think that with age comes more wisdom! At least that's how I make myself feel better about aging...haha

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  6. Thanks for this post! I'm an 8 (sometimes even a 10) and while I would love to be a 6, I know that I'm healthy the way I am. I am getting married next month and would have loved to drop a few pounds beforehand, but as a busy doctoral student I just don't have the time to maintain a workout schedule that would allow me to drop ten pounds...

    On another note, my sister is exactly the way you describe yourself earlier. Her whole life revolves around over-exercising and food rituals. She looks like she is starving, and it is just so sad to see. So difficult to find a way to help her too.

    Thanks again for this post, I wish that this issue were brought to light more.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this story..and your blog with us. This is the first time I've responded to an entry on any blog, but this entry and one other one from May really hit home. You talked about moms who don't seem to care about appearance...as though they've "thrown in the towel". That was me for sure. In my case, I was carrying extra weight but didn't want to go out and buy a whole new wardrobe. So I had a "uniform" of a few schlumpy pieces to get me through til I could slim down. But you're right--we should all take care and pride in how we look at any age, and I have begun focusing more on exercising and putting together better outfits.

      As far as this entry, the subject of obsession with weight has played a big part in my life. The secrecy of it is what makes me want to write today. I grew up in an Italian family where the message was "eat, eat" but be super slim. During my senior year of highschool as I prepared to graduate and leave home for college, my father left my mother after a 20 yr marriage. Everything around me was changing, and I stopped eating because it was the one thing I could control. I received lots of attention for being so slim but slowly put pounds back on in college. A break up with my boyfriend sent me into a tailspin and my weight dropped again. I was 5'6" and 112 lbs. Not good. We got back together and the lbs started creeping back--desperate to keep everything status quo I started binging and purging. Sometimes 5 times a day. My life revolved around it. This went on for 5 yrs until one day I decided I could not live one more day like this and I stopped. No more starving..no more binging. That was 22 years ago. I still struggle with the scale, but am healthier than I have ever been. I recently studied eating disorders out of curiousity, and learned that my life was sort of a "perfect storm" for what happened to me. Also, how amazingly blessed I was to recover the way I did because I never relapsed. The statistical recovery rate is only 5% on bulimia. What kept me out of it is what a horrible existence it was...let me tell you, nothing is worth that.

      I don't think that the media and social pressure means to lead girls/women to eating disorders..in many cases it's just an unintended consequence. It is good to see models these days looking more "fit" than just skinny. Thank you for this post.

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